Reflections on holiday

Llm calling blog post - holiday thoughts

As you will have noticed I have been AWOL for 3 weeks; in fact I've been on holiday in Georgia, North and South Carolina.  The time away has given me a lot of time to relax, reflect, ponder and pray. In the month before the holiday I was caught in a tornado of events that left me feeling dizzy and confused:
- LLM courses started, filling me with excitement, awe and passion
- I delivered my 16-18th sermons in 8 months
- I wrote and took my first service on my own
- I got caught in church politics as the only possible mediator
- everyone nicely forgot I was allowed a holiday and decided I had to get 3 weeks worth of activity done in the week beforehand
- I was asked to give the sermon for the Sunday After our holiday so that needed preparing
- I decided it was best to write the 4 essays for my LLM courses in the week before holiday meaning I worked till 2am 5 nights in a row

And the final event - several hours before we went to the airport I got two of my essays back (understanding ministry - theology and supervision) and they were a disappointment to my standards.  It was this that sent me reeling.  

I was over-tired, over-wraught, over-stressed and over-done; now I was also under-achieving and not good enough.  I decided I had to analyse a bit before I left for holidays and am pleased I did because it confirmed that although the essays had been done quickly, they had also been done thoroughly and that the information missing was from courses I had not yet taken - an issue but not of my own failing. 

So we came away. 
I put my stresses and worries behind me and asked people to pray for me. I relaxed and enjoyed spending time with my family.  For at least 4 days I didn't even think about church.   And then I found time and peace in my head and heart to reflect and this is what I've learned:

1- I must say no more - at church especially but also in my wider life - j have been taking on too much and it leaves me exhausted and depleted

2- I must remember that I am good enough, that I've been called to be an LLM and that whatever the path is it is the right one

3- Llm training is challenging and I am allowed to ask for support along the way

4- I need to be open about my workload (home and church) with my new vicar so I don't get so overloaded again

5- I need to be less expecting of myself and just let it flow - I have never been a slacker and if the training takes longer than I hoped then so be it.

I am sure there ate other things I've learned but these are the major ones.  I am coming home different; knowing I will ask for help and being kinder to me.  I am always ready to give to others but I need to know when to take instead.      

Ps - the other 2 essays were good, I need to keep everything in balance!

Pps - our new vicar is installed on Sunday - it feels like the start of a new era!

Ppps - the southern states are wonderful; friendly people, relaxed way of life and enough churches to keep you busy visiting for 10 years!