Addiction: how do you see it?

Last week I was looking at the moon; it was hauntingly beautiful.  I took a photo without the flash, then another with it.  They've sat on my phone since, asking for a blog post but nothings come to mind.  Until today that is.

I've written my immediate thoughts about the sadness that is the death of an amazing but tortured soul here.  http://llmcalling.blogspot.com/2011/07/no-privacy-even-in-death.html

Now i want to take my feelings further and reflect on addiction and how it is seen from the outside and felt from the inside.  I've experienced both up close and personal, here's how it looks to me.



A longing, 
A sadness, 
A desperation;
A distance, 
A waiting, 
A separation;
You're here in body, 
But not emotionally;
Your minds on something,
Something else entirely.

I'm watching
I'm hearing
I'm second guessing;
I'm hoping
I'm praying
I'm ever waiting;
For the breaking point,
When nothing else matters;
You'll leave us then,
Leave us in tatters.

You try
You promise
You try some more;
I hope
I pray
I pray some more;
You're tortured inside,
I'm tortured beside you;
I'm wishing it away,
I know you wish too.





Then it's on me....
I'm suffering too;
Wanting and needing
Waiting and taking.

I know the pain...
The want, the desire;
I'm burning with need
"Save me" I plead.

But not right now...
It's easier like this;
Allow me my pleasure
It makes me happier.

On the other hand...
Please take it away;
The constant call
Please make it small.

I know that it's me...
Only I can succeed;
I must take the step
And accept the help.

It isn't easy....
Usually impossible;
But day by day
Cleaner I stay.

Always I'll be....
An addict, that's me;
But today I'm ok
So I pray to stay.