Mother's day, not a great day #poetry

Mother's day
Not a great day
Not for me anyway

I miss my mummy
What she might have been
But wasn't and still can't be

And that hurts
Will always hurt
A deep wound in my heart

And that's not all
Then there's the years
Of not being a mum tears

Of hating the day
And what it meant
And what I wasn't sent

Until one day
I became a mum
But not for long

Suddenly mum day
Brought a new stain
Of loss and endless pain

No child in arms
Was I really a mum?
I wished to feel numb

Then Rachel came
And the joy wiped pain
For she and love are the same

And this day
For some time was OK
But the memories still play

So yes, it's still hard
Though I adore her card
And she makes me so proud

But there's pain
Always will be
On this day epecially