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Sunday, 28 June 2020

Art Therapy


My homework this week from my first counselling session was two fold:
1. Give up some of my church responsibilities in order to find space to engage fully with my counselling between sessions
2. Use art materials to express my emotions about mum

At first hearing this I thought finding time would be easiest, and I've definitely made a start; but an afternoon of creativity was actually easier than I thought.

We found a large canvas and some old oil pastels in the garage so I sat in the garden for an hour of pure emotional creativity.

I really didn't know what I was going to express, feel or create; but I just took colours and let it flow.  I used my fingers, my hands and some paper towel as felt right and quickly I started to feel strong emotions. 

Grief
Anxiety
Anger
Fear
Pain
Depression
Confusion
Release
Calm
And by the end, peace.
That's when I knew it was time to stop.

I was sweating, exhausted but somehow lighter and the picture speaks to me on many levels.

I've annotated this photo of the painting below, it might not make sense to anyone else but it does to me. 

The purple burst is mum; a powerful force in the middle which both sucks in and emits energy.  A vortex around which her and my emotions flowed - affecting my emotions hugely as well as her own.  I've sometimes thought of mum as a tornado; a beauty from afar, something to be admired and chased; and yet get too close and the forces take your breath away and can rip all you know to bits.

I know I have the same power within me, we all do somewhere when it comes to those we love; but I've learned to tame the strong forces of my fear and loathing, to calm the winds of emotion.

I am in this picture - I was touching the emotions of my small child and there she is on the right hand side - touching the natural world I felt so connected to and devoid of my own colour. 

That area is only coloured by the finger prints of the colours elsewhere - it was where I literally wiped my fingers as I was creating.  Those colours feel like the emotions I was constantly receiving and processing and watching out for, I was on high alert a lot of the time checking that mum was ok.  The literal fingerprints on the painting are like the emotions I grew up so aware of, on my mind and heart - fingerprints of memory.

There's also a shape of a gate or an arch or a tunnel in that area - a doorway - a way to calm and light beyond all the strong colour and emotion. 

I felt so strongly that that area of the picture wasn't meant to be filled in, but left in its complexity.  Perhaps that's something about the healing I'm going through, or the not yet formed understanding of my inner child; I'm not sure but there's something in that to think through some more.

I've never done anything like this before, never really thought that I could express such raw emotions without thinking about them and then so clearly see them in the creative output.  Perhaps I'm looking for signs which aren't really there, I'm not sure, but it's been a hugely helpful undertaking and I'm looking forward to discussing it with my counsellor.



Just out of interest.  This is a painting I painted wildly in mum's last week.  We came home from the hospital one evening and I couldn't sleep so I painted, having never done that before.  Rachel thinks this image is similar to the bottom right of the piece I created today.






My Gran's Sherry Trifle Recipe

It seemed only right to also write out my Gran's Sherry Trifle Recipe, another family favourite which I've made most Christmas's and which my mum and Dad's mum made before that.



Ingredients:
6 small trifle sponge cakes
Strawberry Jam
2oz Rataffia Biscuits
5tbsps Sherry
8 cocktail cherries in syrup

For the custard:
2 large eggs
1oz castor sugar
0.5pint milk

For the topping:
0.5pint Double cream
0.5oz almonds

Method:
Cut sponges in half and sandwich together with generous amounts of strawberry jam

Line the trifle dish with the sandwiched sponges

Crush the biscuits and sprinkle over the sponges

Drizzle the sherry over everything and push down firmly with the back of a spoon

Put in the fridge

Separate the egg yolks and blend with the sugar

Warm the milk then pour over the egg and sugar mix

Return the warm egg and milk mix to the saucepan and cook over a low heat ensuring the custard does not boil!!!

When the custard thickens enough to coat the back of a spoon, remove from the heat.

Pour the custard over the sponges and return to the fridge, preferably over night.

Just before serving: whisk the double cream until it forms firm peaks.  Spoon onto the top of the trifle and decorate with the almonds.

Now for something completely different: Kentish Cake recipe

This weekend Rachel made Kentish Cake, a cake Mike's gran (Millie Felton) used to make and which he fondly remembers.  Early in our marriage, before she moved into a nursing home, I wrote down the recipe to try and make it for Mike and we make it every couple of years.

My original handwritten recipe is suffering from getting wet a few too many times, so I thought I would post it here to keep it safe.

Kentish Cake

Ingredients
For the cake:
  • 4oz softened butter
  • 4oz granulated sugar
  • large eggs
  • 0.5 tsp vanilla extract
  • 4oz plain flour
  • 0.5 tsp baking powder
  • 1oz ground almonds
  • 1.5 Cadbury flakes flaked

For the topping:
  • Large pack of chocolate buttons 
  • 1tbsp water
  • 4oz icing sugar

Instructions
1. Set the oven to 150 C fan and grease/line a large loaf tin2. Beat butter until creamy, add sugar and cream together until light and fluffy. 3. Whisk the eggs with the vanilla and mix into the butter and sugar a spoonful at a time. 4. Sift the flour and baking powder then fold into the creamed mixture with the ground almonds and flaked chocolate.5. Transfer to the tin6. Bake in the preheated oven for 60 minutes until a cake tester inserted into the middle comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack for 10 minutes then remove from the tin.7. Place all the chocolate buttons on top of the warm cake until melting, use a palette knife to spread the chocolate across the top of the cake.  Allow to harden8. Make the icing by mixing the water and icing sugar.  Spread over the hardened chocolate and allow it to set. 
We slice the cake as you would a loaf of bread, it is irresistible on day one but even better on day two if you can control yourself the long.

This is the day the Lord has made

I have had a crazy day but this evening I found time to listen to the birds and doodled this. As I was wondering what it was this verse from Psalm 118 came to me.



Thank you God for reminding me that this is indeed the day you have made.

Letting go of pain



Sharing soulfully
Heart full of honeysuckle
Letting go of pain

Gentle streams of truth
Magnetic honesty
Buoyant thoughts

Charming whispers
Too great a burden to bear
Stronger together

Midnight sun
Ceremony abditory
Masked superstition

Fugitive thoughts
Crowded circus music
Beautiful inside

Chocolate mint ice
Ocean breezes relaxing
Serenity

Imaginative Ink

Prayerful pen
Imaginative ink
Time to be

Sometimes we just need to stop.

To stop doing chores,
stop thinking about to do lists,
stop worrying about the family,
stop listening to news,
stop pondering the future,
just stop and be.

We are made to be
Not just to do
We are created to love
Not just to live
We can stop
We should stop
Just stop and be

With paper and pen I can stop thinking, stop worrying, stop everything

With paper and pen I can be still, be calm, be me

With paper and pen and simple lines I can praise and pray, listen and relax, hear and receive, as me

With paper and pen,
Alone with God
I can be
Who He wants me to be


Dream community

Where would you choose to live if you could live anywhere?




What do you hope for?


Hope: what do you hope for?

More understanding and support across society - black lives matter needs to be addressed and equality achieved.

Eradication of haves and have nots - universal income has huge potential for improving the lives of the poorest and increasing everyone's self worth

Mental health support needs to be increased - trauma and anxiety are likely to be a bigger issue than ever across society. Depression will increase as the economy slumps further.

My hope is that if these three aspects of society are improved then there will be less vulnerable people upon whom extremist organisations can prey, there won't be anyone to be radicalised into terrorism.

I guess these can be brought together into one big hope that everyone would know their value and know that they are loved for being exactly who they are. Not for what they do or what they achieve or what they have, but for what they are - a wonderful and lovable person.


That is what God reminds me everyday - that He loves me for being me and needs me to love others for being them. Simple.

On a more practical note.....This week I'm hoping it's not as hot as they're threatening

As the sun descends

As the sun descends
And heat subsides
Nature is stilled
Dreams come alive

Between light and dark
Dusk's symmetry
Night waits to be born
Fears start to flee

Moon inflicts power
Pulling on waves
Setting sail on a dream
As notes upon staves

Rising
Falling
Tumbling
Turning
Crescendo rising
Rhythm perfecting

Improved city streets
Dark but not sad
Prayers often answered
Loves embrace makes us glad

Journeying beyond
Searching for meaning
Creativity yearning
At centre of being

Crossing a bridge
Peace beyond stress
Sun through a tree
Reminds us we're blessed



Write Bravely

It's national writing day today so I have written about writing. I hope you enjoy. Why not try writing something and sharing it with me.

Write bravely
Raise your voice
Share your mysteries
Your layered truth

Down Wishing wells
Throw your stones
Find evil villains
On paths less roamed

Float on air
Strand intuition
Fantasies of space
Renew your mission

Write soft or strong
Clear or embalmed
Employ ambiguity
Create sensitivity

Don't bury hope
About what you wrote
Jane Austen standards
Or just a note

Find inspiration
From pinecones to lakes
Jot wher,'er you go
Or try calendar remakes

Just write it down
Share vulnerability
It's a piece of cake
Explore creativity



My dream adventure




If there were no limitations at all - money, physicality, energy, politics, time etc - what adventure would you go on?

Here's mine....

If there were no obstacles and possibilities were truly endless - so my wheelchair use could be accommodated, there were no wars, money was no object and I could have 2 years to do it - here's my dream trip.

Driving through France and Spain, enjoying the various culinary delights along the way

Boat from Spain to Morocco and then adventure South through Africa. Morocco - Algeria - Mali - Burkina Faso - Ghana - Togo - Benin - Nigeria - Cameroon - Congo - DRC - Zambia to visit friends - Zimbabwe - Botswana - South Africa to visit family.

Take a ship to Madagascar

Fly to India and explore from Kerala to Chennai, Delhi to Mumbai to Calcutta.

Then Nepal to visit Kathmandu before travelling through Myanmar, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. Into Malaysia and Indonesia to visit the orangutans in the rainforest.

Across to Australia to hug a Koala and then to New Zealand to visit family and explore in a camper van everything wild and mountainous.

Take a trip to Antarctica to visit the penguins before continuing to Argentina and travelling North through South America enjoying animal highlights in Patagonia and the Amazon and wondering around Macchu Picchu.

Sail around the Caribbean on a crazy luxurious yacht to regain energy before continuing through Central America and into USA visiting friends all the way. Into Canada and going on the train from Vancouver to Toronto then far north into Alaska to see the northern lights.

Then back to New York and sail home.

I might have thought about this longer than I should have 😎

Mixed Ecology of Church


This week I attended Multiply: 2020 Church Planting Conference online.
I drew this image as part of the initial session.
The words are the steps to pioneering new ways of being church - pray, join, ask, listen, act, pray.


There were many great take aways from the conference but the main one was the address by the (soon to be) Archbishop of York Stephen Cottrell about the need for a mixed ecology of church.
My reflection on that is....
A mixed ecology needs a mixed group of people with a range of callings and skills.  It needs everyone to know that no one can do it alone and that everyone grows together only when there is balance and cooperation.  As a lay Pioneer I would not have been able to flourish in my ministry without supportive priests, bishops and lay supporters who trusted me, equipped me, enabled me, mentored me and prayed for me.

I really hope that when lockdown is over conferences will keep providing online access so that those of us who struggle to attend in person can still attend

It's NOT over

It's been a scorching hot week just as the Government relaxed most of the social distancing recommendations, so guess what happened - the beaches were overwhelmed with people desperate to get away from confinement and find some normality.  I get it but......

It's over, let's go to the overcrowded beach miles from home and gather en masse.
It's NOT over.
But too many people think it is.
My shielding letter landed today and this is what is required of us until possibly spring 2021
"Adopt strict social distancing: you may wish to go out to places and see people but you should take particular care to minimise contact with others outside your household."
We can go to work if it's covid safe
Kids can go to school but just retain strict social distancing
We can go to supermarket, church and for exercise but retain strict social distancing
"You should remain cautious as you are still at risk... So stay at home where possible and if you go out follow strict social distancing."
There's no specific definition of strict social distancing but medical advisors are saying 2m. I'm not sure how that works when no one else is staying 2m apart.
As Mike said earlier today after seeing these photos; it might just be better to stay home until next year. I've rarely seen him so cross.

Windows of my Soul

Windows of my soul
Your look carves inner depth
Mundane miracles
What started as love
Pearls revealed as kisses
Knowing dawns blessing
Glow worm company
Love can do that warmly
Moonstone dreams
Wreckage in sadness
History in the making
Casual flings
Cast iron benches
Fruit trees white with blossom
Forager of life


Happiness is.....

Happiness is:

Love
True acceptance
Living life fully together

Music played free under stars
Warm midsummer evenings
Birds singing free from cages

Breathing forest scents
Moon light in dark places
Peace amidst chaos

Empty rooms of restfulness
Inflated time with friends
Unexpected thanks

Innocent blessings
Tidal vibrations
Escape into stories


Doodle Reflections

Two sets of Haiku have emerged from this doodle I created yesterday.



I looked back at it today and all these thoughts came to me including perhaps some of the emotions I'm feeling. I wonder if your doodles are speaking about your feelings.



Doodling
Playing creatively
Relaxing

Looking
Observing thoughtfully
Wondering

Praying
Reflecting deeply
Listening




Those eyes
Windows of my soul
Sadness?

That mouth
Anger pain constrained
Fear?

Swirls
Confusing times within
Anxiety?

Patterns
Contented calm flow
Peace

Three reflections on Hope

I started recording daily reflections early on in lockdown to share a bit of hope and encouragement and prayer with the church community.  After a few weeks I ran out of inspiration so asked some other church members to join in, which has been a huge success and meant I've only needed to find inspiration every fortnight.  This week was my turn and I had hope on my mind but couldn't choose just one bible verse so I recorded three reflections on hope.







Reflections on hope


Today I'm going to share the first of three reflections about hope, drawing on what the Bible says about hope.


Today I'm thinking about Romans 15:13 


“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”


How often do you think of God as a God of hope?  


My go to word when I think of God is love - God loves the world and everything in it.  God wants us to feel loved and then to give that love to everyone else.  That's been a central part of my life for many years. 


But here Paul talks about the God of hope who fills us with joy and peace.


A God who doesn't judge the world, doesn't despair at our actions, but a God who sees the goodness of our hearts, who blesses us with joy and peace so that we are full of hope and can't help but share it with others.


I am an optimist, I like to think positively. But, as many of us do, I sometimes struggle with my mental health.  It's been difficult in these times of lockdown, and that's when I can start to worry about everything and feel less hopeful about life, the universe and everything.


I made a conscious decision about a month into lockdown to be hopeful, to look for hope in the every day.  


It challenged me to think about what that actually meant and I came up with two images

1. Light in the darkness - finding the good things amongst the troubles

2. Trust - hope is the trust that things will be good, that God has got us safe in his loving care and that we do not need to fear


Every day since then I have spent time finding the light in every day, the good things, the blessings, the hope.


And I've held onto God, trusting that all will be well, not necessarily quickly or in ways I can comprehend yet, but knowing that God wants me to trust him that hope is alive and well.


I hope this blesses you today and that you can find the light, love and hope you need.



XXX


This is the second of my reflections about hope, a word which has been so important to me in lockdown and which I want to learn more about and share with others.


Today's Bible reading is from the book of Job.


Those of you who know the book of Job are probably wondering why I've chosen a verse from a book of the Bible which is all about the suffering of a good man at the hands of Satan.  


Well let me share the verse


Job 11:18

"You will be secure because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety"


These words are not words of Job but of one of his friends who has come to try and help Job in his pain, grief and suffering.


In my first reflection of this series I shared about finding hope every day.  It was a decision I made to look for hope myself.


This verse draws on something else which has been so important to me in lockdown - other people.  


I believe that God acts in the world, that the Holy Spirit is alive in the world and that much of this work is through people.  I believe that God often blesses me through family, friends, and strangers.  


In this verse we see Job being offered words of comfort, reassurance and hope. We hear about someone who wants to help a friend.  


I have been blessed through lockdown to not be alone at home, but also blessed by already being connected to friends near and far on social media.  It has not been a big adjustment to me to share online and sustain friendships online. 


When I shared about finding lockdown challenging I was blessed with an outpouring of love, prayer and hope from people around the world; and in turn I have been able to do the same for others when they have been struggling.


Why am I sharing this? Because I want to remind us all that we are sources of hope in the world. We are God's love and hope in action.


In person or online, when we share the blessings we receive, we are sharing God's hope - we never know who that might encourage.  


And that by saying when we need help, we are allowing others to share their hope with us - we are not burdening others but instead we are blessing others with the ability to help.


So please, do not think that sharing is boasting or demanding, showing off or burdening others; know that God is with us when we tell others about our lives and that by sharing we are enabling God to bring hope alive.



XXX


This is the third and probably final reflection on hope and what the Bible says about it and how that has encouraged me over the last 110 days or so.


There have been many low points over the last 4 months, times when it all got too much.  Too lonely, too frustrating, too anxiety inducing.  As those of you who read my blog or Facebook posts will know, a month ago I noticed that these days started to get closer together and my hope was getting less.  I reached out to my GP and got help, I referred myself for counselling and I shared with friends to get the support I needed.  But more than that I kept praying, earnestly praying and singing hymns which lift my heart to God.  In that time I held firm to this one verse  from Psalm 71:14


"As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."


It's not one I've ever held onto before, but I stumbled upon it - or perhaps God put it in front of me, and it was exactly what I needed to hear.


At a time when I couldn't hold onto hope, when hope felt far away, I was reminded of the struggle of the psalmists and how they held onto hope in their struggles.  And so therefore would I.  I would find the hope in the smallest things; the dawn song of the blackbird, the fleeting hug of my teenager, the message of a friend, the meal cooked by my husband, the encouragement and prayers from friends.  Points of hope, of light, of God at work in the world. 

Tuesday, 23 June 2020

Stop, pray, think, learn, plan, then possibly open the church buildings again

Thinking aloud after the announcement that church buildings will soon be allowed to open for services.



All church buildings can only fit a limited number of people safely when they open for services, even at 1m social distancing, and actually the rules are still 2m if that can be achieved and only down to 1m if there's no other option. 

Services won't look like they used to - probably no singing, much more distanced chairs, communion? Praying together in groups? Etc

There will be people who want to get back in the building asap because the building is extremely important to them.

There will be people who won't be going inside church buildings out of choice or safety and will want online provision still.

There will be those who enjoyed online and won't want to go into church buildings.

I think it will be important to offer both physically present services and online services.

As someone who often struggles to get into churches I don't want to "watch" a service inside a church, especially if there's no connection as part of that from people outside the building - that feels very excluding. 

It has been such a great experience to all worship together online with people offering their gifts in different ways; we somehow need to capture that ongoing. 

Perhaps that will mean that people at home video in to be part of the service in the building - readings, prayers, preaching etc

Or perhaps it will mean that an online service is a new congregation in its own right.

These are huge issues which every church needs to think and pray through.  I just hope that churches don't rush back into buildings and lose the opportunity for praying and thinking and learning and developing.

Monday, 22 June 2020

In the grand scheme of things


Covid Lockdown feels like forever
Without freedom
Without contact
Restricted
Frustrated

In the grand scale of things
It's only a blip
Just a moment
A few months
Amongst dozens

You could rail and protest
Or turn it around
Find peace
See blessings
Be grateful for this season

In the future, what will you see?
I choose to see
Goodness
Community
Hope in humanity

Friday, 19 June 2020

Mental Health in Lockdown

I wanted to give an update about my mental health over the last few weeks in case it's helpful for anyone.



Background: I have lived with low mood and depression since my teens and have had a lot of help from counselling and antidepressants.

Update: Since lockdown I have been very up and down, as I think most of us have, with some days really very low.  Over the last month I've noticed the low days getting lower and the good days not exactly feeling good and that I'm struggling to sleep with lots of nightmares.

Three weeks ago I realised I should book myself a GP appt to talk about it and get some help - knowing it would take a week at least to get an appt. At the same time I self referred to Talking Therapies thinking I could get some CBT sessions.  I spoke to my GP last week and she was fantastic, she listened to me and reassured me that I'm doing great in the circumstances and suggested we increase my anti depressants a little bit to help with my disturbed sleep if nothing else.  She also said she'd put a flag on my referral to Talking Therapies.

I started my increased antidepressant dose a week ago and my sleep has improved which has helped a lot. Then on Monday I got an appt for an assessment by TT which happened today by phone.

The assessment was reassuring and positive as well and the assessor fully understood my situation, emotional journey and what I needed. In fact she helped me identify that I'm dealing with a resurgence of past trauma because we're in a traumatic situation in lockdown (especially because I'm vulnerable). We have agreed a plan for therapy for trauma, which I haven't actually had before even though I've often thought it would be useful.  The waiting list is 7 weeks but she's emailing me various support provisions whilst I wait.

I am extremely impressed with the help which is freely available and the reassurance I've received that this is completely normal and that it's positive to ask for help.

I wanted to share this in case anyone else is also struggling. You're not alone, there are people who understand and there is help available. Please don't suffer alone.

Thursday, 11 June 2020

Serenity wishes

Make a wish
But only the one
What's your choice?

Take me out
To lakes and oceans
I'll shout frustration

Serenity
Drunk on sounds of company
Verklempt risk

Peregrinate
Without living in fear
Smultrostalle

Metamorphosis
Unlimited spoons
Bright eyes let's play

Garden evenings
Flowers dancing in my hair
Mood light as silk

Poppy fields
Spring grounds of invitation
Confessions forgiven

Breaking silences
Silken tentative whispers
Face to face

Messaging friends
Online connecting deeply
Belonging, loving

Handfuls of sunlight
Molding hope impossibly
Perfect silhouettes




Smultrostalle - special place 
Peregrinate - wander place to place
Verklempt - overwhelmed by emotion

Equality


Equality
A fallacy
In reality
There's brutality
Negative mentality

Be it sexuality
Or nationality
Disability
Or vulnerability

All that matters to the powers that be
Is the economy
Racial superiority
And territoriality

I know that's not what you want from me
But unless we vote for change, many will never be
Free

Equality
Universality
Can be solved only
Globally
By you and me
Let's be
The change we want to see
.
.
I know it's not uplifting or anything but honestly I despair at the lack of equality in our world.  Things have to change, must change, but until we realise that those who want power like inequality and we keep voting for them there's very little hope.

My mental health isn't great right now after 13 weeks in isolation so that no doubt affects this poem, but I'm posting it because I think it's an important issue to share.

My misty mind

My misty mind
Obscures positivity
Morning light brings hope


Lonely dreaming

Lonely Dreaming Ache
Accessible
Cloister
Home by
Emma




Isolation

Isolation
Loneliness now mainstream
Nothing new for some

Connection
Essential for wellbeing
Let's not forget

Separation
Shielding will continue
Support still needed


Meaning of life?

Meaning of life
It's changed
Is still changing

Less people
Less meeting
Less laughter

More alone
More disconnected
More anxious

For many
Yet surprisingly
My life is

Less frenetic
Less pressured
Less selfish

More centered
More connected
More creative

In this crisis
Hope endures, grows
Life has meaning


Simply breathe

Shout it from the rooftops
Truthfully
Rearranged constellations
Unconcerning when
Greater fireworks are
Going off inside my mind
Listen when I tell you, then
I breathe freer
No fear or embarrassment
Give me that blessing

Stolen mindfulness
Heavy heartedness
Are bumblebees stealing
Ripe secrets of bliss?
I'm feeling: Ca va
Natural truth to be heard
Given in whispers not tears

Hummingbird anxiety
Ever darkening shadows
A bear wakes early bemused
Life of uncertainty
Is karma confused?
No reason do I find
God why do I feel so abused?

Help is a journey
Over mountains and valleys
Protective umbrellas
Enveloped with
Friendship
Uncertainty
Less frightening
No choices demanding
Energy expending
Solutions.
Simply breathe....


Rainstorm thinking

Rainstorm thinking
Nightmares bleed into waking
Truth seeking

Dark moody moons
Earthquakes on Jupiter
Stuck in the cosmos

Tantalising breath
Hugging vacant arms
Invisible men

War of the roses
Rituals in bubbles
Historic tales

Bumblebee secrets
Shark teeth xylophone
Cricket songs

Journeys beginning
Flowers crushed on asphalt
Crossroad memories

Schools out at home
Memories being written
Right before our eyes

Mind bending choices
Mosaic crown creating
Wishbone faith



Light inhaling darkness

Emotions rising
Depths of darkness dissolve
Light of love shines

Drops of ocean breeze
Feels like home in memory
Mirage lost at sea

Mockingbird song
Pure emancipation
High enough judgement

Love struck memory
Impulsive feelings tightly held
Platonic Stillness

Dwindling false veils
Circles of sleeplessness
Sealed with a kiss

Stained glass beauty
Light inhaling the darkness
Wine glasses sing

Blushing coral eyes
Heart of russet threads
Otherworldly light

Coming out to God
He reaches out, reassures
You are enough



Your story lights the way

Let me share a story
Of wild imagination
Where anything can happen
As release from isolation

Beyond the wonderwall
Over historic stone bridges
Avoiding trolls' constant tears
We journey into woods

The days there are longer
Freedom brings calmness
Floating on divine secrets
Rising in simmering love

Wanderlust leads us
As Icarus through crazy nights
Deals with the devil tempt
Ancient texts ground us safely

Forest clearing blesses animals
Summer trees loaded with fruit
Streams no longer muddy
Winter banished forever

Trinkets hang on dark trees
Secret thoughts trapped in history
Brides follow blurred lines
Your story lights the way


fake compassion


Lonely hearts
Brush aside caution
Any connection

Power vacuum
Employs distraction
Fake compassion

Lover assassin
Freedom retraction
Heartbroken

Be Kind


Spacious small print
Promises broken in time
Read between the lines

Dreams obscure
Nightmarish reality
Balance on edge

Be kind
Keep space between us
Do not touch


Oily puddles
Reflections stained, reframed
Rainbows emerge

Satire slowly drips 
Innocent currents ebb
Opinion hardens

Lonely silence
Accompanies falling tears
Heart beats time



Sacred houses abandoned


Sacred houses
Abandoned faithfully
Home fires burn

Frozen in time
Moonlight highlights memories
Heartbreak silhouette

Stars glisten
Heralding journeys unknown
Hope awaiting