Christingle

What's a Christingle service?

I've always known what a christingle is, well at least I've known it's something to do with an orange, and the world and love; and therefore I expected that everyone else about my age and of Uk childhood would know.  There I am wrong.

So how is it an integral part of my childhood and not of others? I first thought it must be church related, but thinking on i don't think it's from church upbringing.  I think it's from my guiding experience.  I was a brownie, than a guide, then I defected to scouting and became a cub scout leader.   And through all theses years we would go to one church or another for a christingle service.  Same as we went for an Easter parade, a remembrance service and some other things I forget. 

Well didn't everyone go to brownies or cubs? Everyone in my village did, there were pack meetings every night of the week and everyone went.  Obviously this is not everyones experience.  And I know how few packs there at left now, it's feindish trying to get Rachel into one.  When did the organisations get separated from our societies? When did volunteers stop coming forward to run these things?  When were they no longer connected to churches?

I am distracted, ignore me, I'm sure I'll come back to this in the future.

The reason I'm blogging is because I've had so many people ask me what thus christingle service I'm doing is.  And each time I answered, and each time I invited, and each time I realised how much us church people assume the society knows about our services that they really don't. And if the idea of a christingle is alien then imagine what a Eucharist is! 

So here is my quick guide to a christingle, as delivered in an interactive christingle building sermon on the Sunday before Christmas to 50 people of all ages and backgrounds who came because I said "come and see" who all enjoyed it....

________________
"1st Question: How do you get rid of a dark winter’s night? 

2nd Question: How do you see in a dark cupboard?

3rd Question: How do you chase away the darkness when a young child is frightened at night?

So we see, there is only one way to get rid of the darkness that is to replace it with light!

So let's make a christingle:

Everyone needs an orange - representing the world

Then tie round it a red ribbon  - indicating the blood and love of Christ given for the pain of the world

Then put in four cocktail sticks, 2 with dried fruit and 2 with sweets - signifying the four seasons and the fruits of the earth and God's good gifts

Finally we insert a candle - symbolising Jesus, the Light of the World


Now we each hold the world, it's pain, it's gifts and Gods light for our lives.  And so we will light our candles and celebrate together."
______________

One Symbol of Gods action in this service will stay with me forever. I had no idea how many people would come and therefore how many christingles we would need.  But on the day of shopping 50 came to me and despite thinking that was crazy (we've not had more than 20 in the last few years) I planned for that. Guess how many came: 50! 

2010 look back

2010 comes to an end

I'm guessing I'm the several thousandth blog that is writing about the end if 2910 this week. But hey, it's a must to look back before moving on isn't it?

My initial thoughts about 2010 are all illness related.  I've had swine flu, pneumonia twice, 4 lots of other chest infections, 2 lots of voice loss and the worst asthma since student days.  Rachel has has awful asthma and heart scares and endless eye examinations.  Even mike got flu before Christmas.   

At times illness has really got me down; partly because it stops me doing what I want to do, partly because I stress about being so ill and mostly because I hate to be on my own very much and recovery requires rest which tends to be solitary.  However the positive aspects of the whole endless illness is the way I have been forced to look at my life and the work I do for others and how it impacts me. As I give more of myself emotionally I need to protect myself, get support and feed my own emotional strength.  

So what has this learning led to?
- ministerial support group - a termly meeting of people who support me including mike, Neil (vicar), area Llm advisor, church warden and close church friend.  This will kick off in January to hear my family needs, work commitments, plans, aspirations etc and help me get the balance right.
- supervision with counsellor (separate from my own counselling) every 6 weeks to ensure I can hand over my concerns about inadequacies etc 
- supervision with Neil every month and more as needed, purely to examine my pastoral role (as different from the rest of my ministry) and how it's taking it's toll
- being more open with my GP about what my life is "really" like

Xxxxxxx

It's also helped me realise that Gods first calling on my life is as a wife and mother, in that role I need to be strong and healthy. The work I do for others is important, very much so, but He did not give us the miracle of Rachel for me not to have the energy to be there for her. 

This means I have committed to only 2 evenings out a week at church meetings and the other evenings to actually rest.  This doesn't seem like it will help Rachel because she will be in bed, but it will help me to be spending more time with Mike and therefore get him more involved in my concerns and therefore strengthen our family.  The rest will also, hopefully, increase my health.

Xxxxxx

I've been required to write down everything I do, for whom and when; it's made me realise how crazy my average week can be!  This has made me make some hard choices about what I can do and what needs to be handed over.  I've found this unbelievably hard, I hate letting people down or thinking that I could do more, but it's a very real learning. I must stop raking every wait of the world on my own shoulders!  

Of course this process has been helped by prayer and I think that is one of my main lessons this year.

Xxxxxx

Prayer.
Last year and most of this was all ministerial training portfolio related; lectures, reading, writing, reading and producing marked assignments. I found it hard at the beginning to be do academically focussed on faith, but then got fascinated and loved it (in the main).  However all this intellectual examination of theology made me feel distanced from God, and the latter half of this year (with it's ill streak) has allowed me to reconnect with my prayer life and spiritual openness.  I bow have a much more thorough understanding and grounding to my faith but I also have regained the relationship aspect which has always been so sustaining.  And so I am back able to ask for help and accept guidance.  Funny how this never stopped for sermon writing or pastoral care of others, but at least now I've remembered how to do it for me again.

Xxxxx
2010 has been long, hard, challenging; and in the best way. It has taught me much about myself, my family, my calling and my ministry.  This will be the year I will look back on and see much change.  I think! 

And now 2011 looms, the year I will become a licensed lay minister, the year I will try to get the balance right, the year I will learn to ask for help and support.  Follow me and see how I get on.

Ministry through food

Ministry through food

I am today facing ministry through food.  I have 50 christingles to prepare and then need to make sure that 200 carol service attendees (estimated obviously) will have mulled wine, OJ and mince pies afterwards.

There are a number of issues I am struggling with about this.

1. I have to admit to feeling this isn't really ministry.  In my head I know it is, it's pure mission to the community. But the ego-driven bit of me says it's a menial job.  So what's that about? I have huge admiration for the many lovely church people who organise the food for church events, never think it's menial and share how much I see this as God's work.  And this year they're all unavailable and so I volunteered to take the role.  My choice. My decision. But it doesn't feel like ministry somehow. Not yet, although I know it will when I have the honour of sharing food and drink with the community.  

And I think the main reason for this is .....

2. I have an eating disorder.  This is not something I have 'said' out loud online before.  But I am learning that I am called by God just as I am, including as someone for whom food is a challenge. And He uses me through this, I have been able to walk alongside a young girl suffering with anorexia and her parents.  So it is time I fessed up and said "yes, I have an eating disorder, and God loves me anyway and calls me anyway.".

I think this is why this food ministry is difficult for me, because food flips from being my best friend to my worst enemy.  But today and tomorrow it will be ministry to the community, a way of allowing me to serve others and speak to others in a relaxed way.

Thank you Lord for helping me share this and supporting me through this.  Amen.

Advent can be hard

Advent can be hard

Advent can be hard; I know, that's no surprise, but please bare with me.

For me as a wife and mum it's hard work writing all the Christmas cards; choosing, buying and wrapping presents (especially for the men in my life); decorating the house; arranging letters to and from Santa; organising food for the festive period; tidying the place ready for visitors; arranging costumes for and attending school and church plays; and keeping a smile through it all.  Please don't think I'm complaining, I'm not (much), I love advent and Christmas, but it is exhausting.  It can be hard.

For me in lay ministry there are the advent services, nativity play, christingle, carol services, school assemblies and various socials.  These are all fantastic events which reach outwards from church into the community and are a blessing to be involved with.  But let's not pretend it doesn't take a whole load of organisation, commitment and energy.  It can be hard.

But this post is not about me, it's about all those people who find the advent season and Christmas in general so hard to deal with.  It can be lonely if you are bereaved, estranged or without family. It can be dark when Christmas brings back sore memories.  It can be heartbreaking when you or people you love are ill or depressed.  It can be frustrating when economic reasons seem to limit your ability to really experience Christmas. It can be a hollow time when you are longing for love in your life.  It can be terrifying when the need to be joyful seems beyond you.  It can be oh so hard.

So what can we do for those who are struggling and will find the rest of Christmas advent hard.  Personally I reach out; opening my arms, my heart and home as wide as possible.  I will pray for those I know will struggle and use the phone to keep in touch.  I will spread the good news of Christmas services and events as wide as possible. And I will keep on reminding us all that advent and Christmas may for most of us mean joy, but that's not the same for everyone and those people need our love, compassion and time.

I led the intercessions on Sunday and focussed on these issues, here are the prayers I prayed.

Eternal God, we come to you during this season of hope. 
May the power of Jesus be born in us again. 

Rekindle that power in those who have grown weary. 
Restore hope to those whose present or past lives have become a burden. 

Renew within us the vision and excitement of lives which are motivated, 
Show us our own personal sense of mission

Be with those who are imprisoned in a past which cripples them or makes new possibilities seem impossible.
Provide a way of reframing their past so that it no longer imprisons, so that it can be seen as something which hekps them better understand the human experience and relate to the sufferings of others.

You come, gentle Jesus, to a world of broken people. 
Come again to us and transform us as you did those who experienced your touch and your grace. 
May some new truth excite us, 
may the possibility of some new loving behaviour look achievable,
 and may some new vision claim us. 

We pray for those who need your special touch: 
those who are ill; 
Xxxxx
For all those affected by HIV Aids

those for whom the season causes sadness or depression; 
those who are lonely; 
those who are departed and those who mourn the death of any whom they have loved
those whose lives are forever compromised by frailty of the body and who will never be fully active again. 

We pray also for our world: 
confused, 
in constant strife, 
filled with passions and rage and uncertainty. 
Those affected by the forest fires in Israel
For the continuing tension between north and south Korea

Hold this world in your compassionate embrace. 
Enable us as a global people to care for one another and to see those who are different from us less as threats and enemies and more as your loving children. 
May a new world be born. 

Lord in your mercy
Hear our prayer

"Do Animals go to heaven?"

"Do Animals go to heaven?"

Caution: may get you debating yourself into a confused state. I like confusion and debate; they do not restrict my faith!

I wrote a massive assignment on salvation as part of my doctrine course and it was mighty challenging.   Here are just some of the questions I debated, laboured over, worried over and got in an emotional state over:
- Are we really born sinners? 
- Is salvation only for Christians? 
- what about those unaware of Christianity?
- How does this fit with "God is love"?
- how about Jesus' resurrection forgiving all through all time?  
- So Mike is damned? 
- And what about my miscarried babies?
- and how about animals?

I could of course undertake a load more theological research and analysis around these questions, but I'd rather ponder and hear from others.  So why has this been picked as the first subject of ponder? Mainly because a 10 year old out and out asked me today "do you believe that my pets have gone to heaven?". I knew what to say, I know what I believe, I told him that yes I do believe pets go to heaven.  And bingo, I was back pondering the issue.

So what are the issues?
- what does the bible say?
- it is the soul that goes to heaven; do animals have souls?
- when did Humans get their "souls"?
- is there space? Think of all the cockroaches!
- if animals go to heaven then how about any extra terrestrials?

[b]what does the bible say?[/b]
There are mentions of animals as a key part of creation, as saved by Noah and to be cared for but nothing linking animals and the afterlife.  In fact there are some mentions of those people who don't live correctly being no more than animals which hints one way. But would God have saved all the animals from the flood if he didn't value them equally as humans?

[b]it is the soul that goes to heaven; do animals have souls?[/b]
Elephants mourn their dead.
Dolphins search for lost family.
Dogs need social interactions to thrive.
Chimps, gorillas, orang utangs and other apes grieve the loss of family.

Certainly animals have intelligence, social structure and emotionality of varying degrees; but it would seem that "soul" is a word reserved for humans.

[b]when did humans get their souls?[/b]
First let me declare: I know evolution to be scientifically true, explained in layman terms by Genesis. 

We are descended from Neanderthal man, early man, preman (etc), apes, smaller mammals, amphibians, fish...single cell organisms. (please excuse my biological summary and see Darwin "on the origin of species" for more detail.)

So when did we cease to be a mere animal without a soul (as we understand it for us), and become humans with souls? When did that evolutionary leap happen?

This, for me, tells us that animals have souls as much as we do, we are after all just one genetic step from them.

[b]is there space? Think about all the cockroaches![/b]
It's a good job that God is omniscient and omnipresent because our minds can not conceive of all it must be in Heaven.  There will be space, I'm sure of it.  Although I'd quite like a cockroach free, spider free, scorpion free zone!

[b]if animals go to heaven then how about any extra terrestrials?[/b]
So, how about it?
It seems statistically likely that there will be life elsewhere in the universe. So how does this lifeform(s) fit into our understanding?

I know God to be bigger that all time and space, this just include the universe.  So surely that would mean that any ETs would be included in His love and would reside after death in His heaven.

Think, debate, enjoy and please feed back to me. 

Blogging on everything and anything

This is a health warning/invitation to come into my mind.
Over the last year or so I have been writing down everything that I would like to explore with people but didn't have time for when I was studying, well guess what: I now have some time.

So now I can start the thinking.

After my week of blogging I've decided I might as think outloud online and hopefully people might join me in my musibgs, thoughts and questionings.

So who's up for it?

Death and the Christian response - REinspired session

Death, funerals and the Christian response - RE session for year 6 pupils delivered by volunteers through REinspired.

This afternoon I was part of the cross denominational team that delivers RE sessions to pupils at local schools.  The sessions are organised and written by REinspired, a charity project from "churches together in Earley and East Reading".  I am one of the team of volunteers that deliver sessions to 4 local primary schools.

I am part of the team about 20 times a year but my LLM training and specialism in bereavement is especially used in two sessions:
- difficult questions
- Death, funerals and the Christian response

Tomorrow is "difficult questions" for year 5 pupils - we, as a panel, answer any questions raised by the pupils on creation, God, Heaven and living a Christian life.  There's also a fun mastermind q&a segment which I am kind of dreading, pass might be used a lot!

Today was the year 6 Death, funerals and the Christian response session.  The RE syllabus requires children to understand death and grief before they complete ks2, this session helps the schools with this requirement. The session is held in a local church and the kids walk down for the afternoon - 90minutes.  The session starts with an introduction and then the children ate divided into 3 groups which will visit 3 bases in turn.

Base 1 is on grief; focussing on the emotions we experience when someone we love dies, looking at the grief process and discussing how Christians view heaven, and how they turn to God and the church community for support when they are bereaved.

Base 2 is on memorials; it invites the children to think about how we remember the departed with the help of photos of different memorials used by varying religions and cultures.  The children then think about how they might like to be remembered and how their actions in life might result in being remembered positively.

Base 3 is a reading of the Children's story "Waterbugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children


" which helps children understand what happens after death, focussing on heaven.  The children have time for questions and then make their own dragonfly picture to take away.

The session ends with a round up of the session and the children all head off back to school.

For more information about how REinspired works and could work in your area, I recommend:
"The Story of Reinspired: Developing creative partnerships between churches and schools" by David Skinner, Paul Haynes and Jane Earl is published by BRF on 18 February 2011.

Death and the Christian response - REinspired session

Death, funerals and the Christian response - RE session for year 6 pupils delivered by volunteers through REinspired.

This afternoon I was part of the cross denominational team that delivers RE sessions to pupils at local schools.  The sessions are organised and written by REinspired, a charity project from "churches together in Earley and East Reading".  I am one of the team of volunteers that deliver sessions to 4 local primary schools.  

I am part of the team about 20 times a year but my LLM training and specialism in bereavement is especially used in two sessions:
- difficult questions 
- Death, funerals and the Christian response

Tomorrow is "difficult questions" for year 5 pupils - we, as a panel, answer any questions raised by the pupils on creation, God, Heaven and living a Christian life.  There's also a fun mastermind q&a segment which I am kind of dreading, pass might be used a lot!

Today was the year 6 Death, funerals and the Christian response session.  The RE syllabus requires children to understand death and grief before they complete ks2, this session helps the schools with this requirement. The session is held in a local church and the kids walk down for the afternoon - 90minutes.  The session starts with an introduction and then the children ate divided into 3 groups which will visit 3 bases in turn.  

Base 1 is on grief; focussing on the emotions we experience when someone we love dies, looking at the grief process and discussing how Christians view heaven, and how they turn to God and the church community for support when they are bereaved.

Base 2 is on memorials; it invites the children to think about how we remember the departed with the help of photos of different memorials used by varying religions and cultures.  The children then think about how they might like to be remembered and how their actions in life might result in being remembered positively.

Base 3 is a reading of the Children's story "waterbugs and dragonflies" which helps children understand what happens after death, focussing on heaven.  The children have time for questions and then make their own dragonfly picture to take away.

The session ends with a round up of the session and the children all head off back to school.

For more information about how REinspired works and could work in your area, I recommend:
"The Story of Reinspired: Developing creative partnerships between churches and schools" by David Skinner, Paul Haynes and Jane Earl is published by BRF on 18 February 2011.

Baby loss ministry

Today one of my fellow tweeters shared her feelings of inadequacy in helping a mum who has suffered baby loss.  I reassured her, as many others did, that being there with love is the most important thing to do and I know she will be more than good enough for this family.

Anyway, it brought me back to thinking about blogging about the ministry I feel called to for those who have suffered the death of an unborn child.

1. Some background:
I have been there; I have lost 4 children to miscarriage, 3 before Rachel and 1 after.  I lost 2 in the first trimester and 2 in the second trimester.  Each child was much longed for and loved; and much grieved for, then, today and for all of my life.  I was cared for by amazing friends, my incredibly supportive Mike and by the volunteers at the miscarriage association.  I am now a telephone counsellor for the same charity, I take calls from anyone affected by miscarriage who would like to talk to someone who understands.  Sometimes I take only 2 or 3 calls a week, sometimes a couple of dozen.  Each time I just listen, support and reassure as best I can.  In the most they just appreciate the fact that they know I've been where they are, it's amazing how reassuring that can be.

2. Ministering to those whose babies have died before or shortly after birth.

2a. Remembrance service
The 15th October every year is baby loss awareness day; and at 7pm around the world we light candles as memorials creating a wave of light.  For many years I have attended services of remembrance but the number of them has declined over the years, this year I finally realised it was my turn to organise one for others.

It was a service of music, poetry, prayer and quiet remembrance. It was open to anyone and publicised widely.  The service started with the lighting of candles as part of the international wave of light in loving memory of all babies lost.  It then moved into some appropriate music, both modern popular and hymns; and poetry.  In the middle there was a Short Talk, given by our associate priest on my behalf because I had lost my voice.  Here are the words:

"This evening, we are here together because we share something in common.  It is not something that we opted for, chose or sought.  In fact, we would have done anything to avoid our present situation.  In this church tonight there is a sense of connection between us, even though most of you will not know each other.  This bond that brings us together is not joy, but loss and suffering.

We are parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and friends.
Us parents were a part of creating wonderful lives, intricate in the making, vulnerable, loved, nurtured and wanted. And yet today, we do not have these young ones to enjoy.  The hopes that we had have been shattered, the dreams that we carried have ended, and the family life that we have has someone missing.  
And those of you here tonight who are not the parents of these babies, you also have a feeling of loss, and probably feel helpless as you stand alongside those you love who have lost so much.

But I guess that we have not just come here to bear our pain, important though that is.  We have also come to acknowledge to somebody that we have known a  baby – born or unborn.  These were our children, these were our babies.  You know that in your child was something truly remarkable.

This evening, we want to pray together, that in our journeys through grief and suffering we will find the light of hope and healing in our remembering. 
May God bless us all.
Amen"

The service ended with a simple blessing:
"May we know that our children will never be forgotten, and will always be loved.
May we know that our pain and loss is noticed by a God who cares and reaches towards us.
And may we know, that the blessing of God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit will always be with us and our children.
Amen."

This service is now a firm part of our church calendar, my mission to the community we live in and as wide as people hear about it.

2b. Support at hospital
The chaplain at the local hospital has learned how I have experienced and now supper people suffering miscarriage. They have subsequently asked me to help them support women who are going through miscarriage or are in the hospital needing support.  I did not intend to be used in this way, yet, but have learned to follow where I am lead.  I therefore have sat, cried, walked and talked alongside a number of women at their lowest points.  I never know what to say, I never know how I will cope, I never recall how I helped; but I know that those I have travelled with have been thankful and hope that I have helped, God willing.


3. Liturgy
I have written a paper on the way I feel the church of England liturgical resources fail miscarried babies.  There is no formal service of remembrance and yet the loss is as profound for many as of a baby lost after birth.  This is an area I hope to pursue, I believe there needs to be a set liturgy rather than the individual priests being required to write something.


4. What I have learned
There are few people called to help people in these darkest of times, few people who feel they could help at all.  Priests ARE called to this ministry.  Yet many of them, in my experience, shy away from this ministry because it is so complex to deal with.  I am of course not deriding priests at all, it is difficult and the issue has become greater as pregnancy testing, later pregnancies and infertility treatments mean more women are aware of miscarriages.  I have learned however that people need support from their church (whether they attend or not) to help them make their way through the complex grief process of miscarriage; where guilt is so great for the mum.  It is not a difficult ministry, it is the ministry of bereavement care but without the memories, cuddles and experiences.  It needs love and time; that is all.

I am sure I will blog on this some more in the future, for now I am emotionally exhausted. With love.  In remembrance of my 2 angels with their brothers Kendi and Leof.

Natwivity on twitter and facebook

Natwivity

This advent on twitter and facebook a new retailing of the nativity story is being told each day through advent.  

The name of this: natwivity.

Twitter name @natwivity
Facebook page Natwivity

 It all started on 1st December and so far it provides a really fresh way of looking at the nativity story.  Of course we are only 6 days in so far but already I'm loving it.  Here are some of the tweets I particularly like:

"#Mary I’m pregnant?????!!!!! WHAT?????!!!!!!!"

"#Herod Another marvelous morning in the palace. I can highly recommend being the King. Oh no but you can’t be - because I AM!"

"#Joseph What is going on? I’m so scared. Mary... please come home. Talk to me #ILoveYou"

There are two aspects to this mission (and no I don't use that word lightly) which I appreciate:
1 - it's amusing; in fact it's downright funny, it grabs you and draws you in
2 - it's engaging; it is making me think like not before and has even got me chiming up with my own responses

I recommend Natwivity, whether you know the story inside and out, knew it as a child or have never come across it before - give it a go!

Day 7 Sunday 5th December - reflections on the week

Day seven - Sunday 5th December 2010
10.00 all age service - intercessions
12.00 lunch
3.00 run church kids Xmas party
6.30 Rachel bed
7.00 prepare uniform for school
8.00 review week ahead's diary with mike
8.30 strictly, xfactor

I can't quite believe I've actually managed to blog every day for a week, I don't think I've ever managed to do that before.  No doubt the fact that it was a useful exercise for me had a large part to do with keeping me motivated, it hasn't mattered if I'm boring or if no one reads.

Today was a pretty normal Sunday in the most part, a leisurely getting up process quickly ends up in a dash out the door to church.  This week was a 10am all age service and I was on intercessions duty.  I like this role, it allows me to gain from the gospel and sermon and yet share my own thoughts on the readings through the prayers on behalf of us all.  I was pleasantly surprised to get lots of positive feedback on the prayers, not something which people normally feed back about, they were clearly God given. We have prayer ministry after each Sunday service and I wasn't rota'd but someone was ill so I stepped in to do that.  Whilst I prayed with those needing it, Rachel played with the older kids who then told her all about world aids day (there was a display in church from the schools work in the week), she then recounted all her new learned facts to me on the way home. I'm sure this will raise questions which I will answer as best I can.

I rarely mention my fantastically supportive laid back aestheist hubby; mostly because he doesn't want his life online and also because he isn't involved in my church life.  He does not and has never believed in God.  Despite seeing the impact of faith on my and Rachel's lives he does not see a need for the same in his life.  I secretly think he's moving, but I trust that to God if it's going to happen, it's not an issue for our marriage.  He often comes to church, for festivals and sometimes to support me if I'm preaching/presiding or to help with Rachel rather than require her to miss a service I'm running.  He comes to church socials and likes the church community, but mostly on a Sunday he chooses to do the weekly food shop rather than come to church. The upside of this is obvious since I hate shopping for food, it also means Rachel and I come home to Sunday lunch quite often. That was true today.  Chicken dinner as a family, lovely.

I'm not sure what came over me after lunch, I could have had a rest, but instead found christmas energy and finished the Christmas cards and wrapped up all the presents; there is no greater joy than wrapping presents for those I love. And so now i feel ready for Christmas, if all else fails my loved ones will be spoiled.

The church kids Christmas party is always fun and this year was no different. Only 10 children came (under 7s) for one reason or another (mostly illness) but enough fun was had for 100.  The church youth wardens ran some crafty activities and party games, the parents all bring food, and the kids have a ball.  I wish we could open this annual activity out to the wider community, it's such a joy to celebrate Christmas with kids and I feel that we should offer it wider.  I will definitely suggest it to pcc.

So what have I learned through this transparent life exercise?
- I love time just being with family a d friends
- I do more than I plan or remember
- I have ideas, lots of them, but they get lost in my busy life
- I gain much from being able to reflect on things I do; I need to programme time for this
- I love the "job" I am called to
- I should do this termly!

So thank you for reading, if you did.  I am off to catch Strictly and Xfactor results shows.

Day six - saturday 4th December

Day six - saturday 4th December 2010
10.00 morning prayer
12.00 church Christmas fair
2.00 school Christmas fair
5.00 dinner
6.30 strictly 
8.00 x-factor

I think I'll blog now seeing as how nothing gets between me and strictly, and I'm too tired to do much by factor time.

I feel weirdly christmasy but overwhelmed.  Two Christmas fairs in one day is officially too much for me, especially when neither of them are particularly christmasy.  They were both nice but neither amazing - see previous blog post on Rachel's thoughts on all this.

Anyway since the fairs we have transformed our house into a regular Christmas grotto; the lounge in Rachel's chosen silver and pink and the conservatory in classic red and gold.  I normally get really hyper about this but this year am a little deflated.  It might be that I'm tired or perhaps I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the 4 sermons, 3 assemblies, 2 christmas kids parties and 1 christingle I am scheduled for before Christmas, who knows.  I'm sure by my birthday (8 days time) all cards will have been sent, presents wrapped, sermons planned, food stuffs bought and christingles sourced and I'll feel very ready.  I can but hope

Rachels plans for the perfect christmas fair

Rachels perfect christmas fair

After a day of Christmas fairs; one at church and then the school one (which is actually a winter bizarre to be accurate), Rachel has decided they were great but neither was perfect.  So next year she wants us (that'll be me!) to run the church fair next year and here are her ideas:

- have it in November before everyone has bought all their Christmas things
- have it properly Christmas themed
- it needs a big Christmas tree with lights and everything
- It needs a big sign and leaflets
- Christmas lights need to be everywhere
- fancy dress competition
- you must have a Santa grotto
- there should be a nativity scene 
- carols should be played
- the cafe should sell Yule logs, mince pies, gingerbread men, sandwiches in Christmas shapes, star shaped jam tarts for the Christmas star and have juice and tea (I think mulled wine)
- instead of random cakes on the stall they should all be Christmas cakes and a competition for the best decorated
- raffle
- stall selling christmas decorations
- stall selling tiny Christmas trees decorated
- Christmas cards stall
- advent calendar stall 
- plant stall with red flowers (poinsettia) and round things for doors (holly wreaths)
- pin the nose on Rudolph game
- kids tombola
- adults tombola
- hook the candy cane
- lolly pick to win prizes
- lucky dip
- roll the dice game (win better prize for higher number)
- face painting
- craft stall to decorate Christmas trees, stars and angels as tree decorations
- make Christmas cards stall
- toy stall

So what do you think of her plans?
What would you include?

Day 5 - Friday 3rd December

Day five - Friday 3rd December 2010
8.00 reading and homework with Rachel
8.30 school run
9.00 morning prayer
9.30 preschool trustee duty call
10.00 write intercessions
1.00 my afternoon 4me - relax!
3.30 school run
4.00 Rachel and me on playdate
6.30 Rachel bed
7.00 take miscarriage association calls

Day 5, my quiet day, in principle. It started with a call to attend preschool to sort some waiting list/new starter issues but then got back on course.  I spent some time writing the intercessions for Sunday but obviously fell asleep; I woke up at almost 2pm, I hope they don't have the same effect on the congregation!  I clearly needed the rest, I woke up feeling better than I have in days.  And reviewing the intercessions I think they should be fine, but then I never read then but instead allow the spirit to take me with the written as a basis.

I got Rachel's first school report home today and it was as expected, she's between 12 and 18months ahead of the average for year1.  School seem pleased with how she's fitting in.  I'm obviously proud as punch.  However I had to hold back on this because I was with a friend who's child is about 12months delayed in their progress.  It got me to thinking; why do I always protect others? I hate the idea of hurting my friend, but I'm sure she would have liked to share in my pride in Rachel. I spend so much of my time worrying about others' reactions to my news that I rarely get to celebrate with or lean on others.  And so this is my learning and reflection for tonight; how do I take myself out of the "carer" role and into a friend who supports and asks as needed?

Day 4 - Thursday 2nd december

Day four - Thursday 2nd December 2010
8.00 reading and homework with Rachel
8.30 school run
9.00 morning prayer
10.00 initial planning session on Christmas assemblies for local schools
12.00 lunch
1.00 run self esteem club at local school
3.30 school run
3.45 Rachel and mummy time
5.30 dinner
6.30 mission course
10.00 zonk out!

It's zonk out time and boy am I exhausted through and through, but I committed to blog each day so here I am.  

It's been a pretty continuous day starting with all the excitement of snow and the debate over whether school would open or not.  Then was the slippery walk to school and back - I have a long standing fear of walking on ice, well its more about the falling but you get my point.

I did however manage to get to morning prayer (once car was defrosted and driven very slowly), spend half an hour helping a bereaved lady at church and check Sundays liturgy.  It was then a hop, skip and slip to the vicarage for a meeting to plan the key stage1 and key stage2 Christmas assemblies for our most local school.  It's amazing how 3 minds in discussion, prayer and debate can so quickly produce such good results. After 90minutes we had 2 assemblies planned, sections allocated, productions allocated and further actions sorted.  O even managed to cone away with ONLY my third of the actions - result!

I quickly popped home, made lunch for mike and I (he was snow working at home) and then shot back out to slip and drive to the school where the youth leader at another church and I run a self esteem club.  This is a ministry I love, pure mission for the community.  We see 4 children (selected by their teachers) from each of years 3, 4, 5 and 6 for 30 minutes per year group each week.  We talk about emotions, strengths, dream lives, worries and allow the children to have some time just for themselves.  The kids love it, rave about it and look forward to it; its such an honour and loads of fun too!

We finished promptly today and I thought I'd be back hone in time for school run, but an incident between a bus and a car had me in a traffic Jan.  Luckily mike was at home so he went and got Rachel - which she loved.  She didn't so much like being told to "amuse yourself till mummy gets gone" but dived into Charlie and the chocolate factory to pass the time.

And so I got home and Rachel and I got our time together.  We made some shrinkies as Christmas presents and chatted about the school play and watched Blue Peter together - perfect!

After a very rushed dinner I headed back out the door for my last ever course for Llm training.  I didn't know whether it would be on but it was and it was great; a summary of adult discipleship courses and an interesting discussion on how we explain salvation to seekers.  I have to say I feel very weird knowing there's no more courses, there aren't any llms near me so I'm not going to see any unless I can arrange a social.

And now I've finally got home and I'm more than ready for bed.  So I'll leave with a night night.

Day 3 - Wednesday 1st December

Day three - Wednesday 1st December 2010
8.00 reading and homework with Rachel
8.30 school run
9.00 morning prayer
9.30 weekly volunteering visit to family for home start
1.00 preschool morale building outing
3.30 school run
4.00 friends round to play and tea 
6.30 Rachel bed
7.00 take miscarriage association calls

Today I was really looking forward to and it didn't disappoint.  Wednesday mornings I am a home start volunteer; this means that I visit a family with young children for a few hours providing emotional support through friendship to mum (and/or dad) and playing with the kids.  I have been doing this for 2 years.  I was with my first family for eighteen months and built strong bonds through some hard times.  My current family are equally fantastic, a perfect match, and I thoroughly enjoy seeing them.

Straight from my home start morning I went to a local garden centre.  I had arranged for preschool staff and committee members to have lunch together and then do some pottery painting.  A morale boosting and thank-you event for everyone.  The preschool is a charity and I am now chair of the committee (having had various roles over the last 2 years).  We have evenings out every term but following an excellent assessment recently we officers decided that an extra event could be fun.  And it was!

I dashed from there to home for the school run (where I froze to my bones for the second time in a day) and then a friend and her kids cane round for play and tea.  Perfect.  I can't tell you how much I value this friendship, the kids play well, the husbands get on, and we girls always seem to be able to support each other equally.  

I haven't had any miscarriage association calls yet today, but they might happen later, you never can tell. In September I took over 50 calls, October was only 11.

Reflecting on my week so far I feel that the balance of activity and relaxation is great, although I've scheduled too many play dates for one week and am missing my one to one time with Rachel.  But no doubt the weekend will present opportunities. 

Day two - Tuesday 30th november

Day two - Tuesday 30th November 2010
8.00 reading and homework with Rachel
8.30 school run
9.00 morning prayer
10.00 launch of 'going deeper' at church
12.00 trustee duties 4preschool 
1.30 lunch
3.30 meeting to review jointly presiding liturgies
5.00 school run from club
6.30 Rachel bed
7.00 take miscarriage association call

Today looked like a very relaxed one and yet this evening I am exhausted.  It started as normal, I even got another 10 Christmas cards written first thing.  After morning prayer I went to the Launch of our "going deeper" year - encouraging people to look at their faith and life in a deeper way and see what changes they might want to make.  It was an interactive session and fantastic, but tiring for my mind since I was paired with a seeker who had a lot of questions.  Great to have had the opportunity to walk with him though.

I went from that to preschool, where I am chair of the charity, checking on staffing (illnesses), christmas fundraising things and general management issues.

After lunch I had a meeting with vicar about how we jointly preside at the family and all-age services, we are trying to make it work better.  It was interesting that in fact he is happy (keen) for me to do more and that's fine with me.

I then had a lie down and nap for an hour before getting Rachel home and curling up on the sofa with her.  I'm
Not sure why I'm so exhausted, probably still recovery from pneumonia, but am going to go to bed early

Day one - Monday 28th November

Day one - Monday 29th November 2010
8.00 reading and homework with Rachel
8.30 school run
9.00 morning prayer
10.00 coffee with friend
11.30 renew driving license
12.00 trustee duties @preschool
1.00 lunch
2.00 answer emails
2.30 listening to reading @school
3.30 school run
3.45 Rachel has friend to play/tea
4-7 take miscarriage association calls
4.00 collate ideas for christingle liturgy modernisation
5.30 dinner
6.30 Rachel bed
7.00 evening as a couple (sacrosanct once a week!)

Wow, this was a quiet day and yet when it's written down it doesn't seem that way.  I had a lovely time with friend this morning, made me realise the value of scheduling time to do that.

Preschool duties involved paperwork - I hate it and would like to recruit a vice chair to help spread the load and also be a successor.  Emails were not as bad as usual and included a new trustee opportunity for me to reflect on.  

Listening to reading at school was very different - one child was reading a Noah inspired story and asked me to tell the "proper Noah story, you know about the bible"; so a short version was told and she was thrilled.  Another child told me she doesn't have anyone to listen to her at home and she is looking forward to next week to have her time with me.  Who would have thought that something as simplexes volunteering 45minutes a week could be so important.

I have a few ideas for christingle liturgy and look forward to making the changes and seeing it work in a few weeks time.  Hope vicar likes my ideas tomorrow.

I took 2 calls from miscarriage sufferers today, sometimes I have none, sometimes a dozen; what matters is that I am here if someone needs to talk.

And so now it's my evening off.  mike and I have always (tried to) had friday nights held sacrosanct but this week is his Xmas party so we've moved it to today.  In reality our couple time has been abandoned recently through busyness (mostly mine) but we are trying to get them back.

One day down, six more to go. 

One week in the life of a lay minister in formation

One week in the life of a lay minister in formation.

My academic training to be a licensed lay minister was completed last week with the sending of my 11th portfolio. I've obviously breathed a sigh of relief but also felt energised to really start exploring where my ministry is taking me and how it will look day to day.  I will be licensed next November and so have a full year of formation in the parish, the course on funeral ministry and a placement somewhere very different (as yet to be arranged).

The first stage of this formational year has been the establishment of my ministerial support group.  We will meet termly to openly discuss my ministry, my life, my work-life balance and more.  On this group are Mike, vicar, Llm advisor (chair) and 2 church members who understand my home life, calling and parish.  I am a mix if excited and nervous about this group, but need think no more about it until we meet first in January.

I have decided I need to better understand what I actually do in a "normal" week, seems a good place to start if I'm going to understand where I'm going.  And why not blog this?  So starting tomorrow I will blog my days activities.  It will no doubt be interesting for me, and it might be intriguing for others.  We will see.

I used to hate Mondays

I used to hate Mondays

Here are the tweets which started this post.

Friend made me think - I used 2hate Mondays, starting back 2grind.  But now every day has same potential, hope & fear, Mondays have no power!

... Monday has no power, but nor do sundays.  life is whole, every day focussed on the best it can be for my family, friends, God; freedom.

Xxxxxxxx

I don't really know why today particularly this has come to mind, but it must be for a reason so I will post.

I am in ministry, it is no longer theoretical or abstract, now it is real and my life is changing - that being the purpose of a year of formation.  

What does this mean?
It means being a mum, a wife, a friend; it means following where God wants me to go.  It includes visiting the sick, listening to the depressed, caring for the weary, teaching the young, hearing the teenager, laughing at the joke, crying at the movie, smiling at the stranger, helping the needy.  It happens at scheduled times for specific events and commitments but mostly it is on the hoof, at the school gate, shops and park.

I have been waiting for the penny to drop or lightning to strike and tell me I am now enough to go into ministry.  But thanks to much supervision, friendship, love and an amazing LLM conference I now know I am ready, as ready as I need to be for now. God is working on me and will continue to; I will develop, change and embrace it; but right now I am enough.

And with this comes calm.  
The striving is reduced and the being is increased.

Now Mondays hold no fear or trepidation.  I need not worry about the pressures upon me and where I am heading.  Now I trust that all will be ok, I know I just need to keep doing what presents itself.

Now Sundays hold no greater relaxation or joy than any other day. I can take time for quiet at any time, I know peace always (almost).   Now I allow family time to be important; family at home, family with friends, family at church, family with God.

And now I'm thinking about the fact that Sunday is a day if rest - when is my day of rest?  Do I need one?  Do I rest enough?  I can't, so won't answer that right now but will return to it later I'm sure.  For now I will continue to celebrate the fact that Mondays are as good as any other day.

Crazy month of training

It has been just a month, not even that, since I last blogged and it feels like forever. I've been just so crazy busy.

In the last month I've completed my church history portfolio with an essay on the Background to the Nicene Creed, the timeline and a presentation on the history of my parish church focussing on mission.

I've attended a day on the Old Testament and from that written an essay on The Exodus as a motif throughout the Bible. I was completely overwhelmed with how to write about The Exodus but actually got massively engrossed in the motif and ended up reading five books on the theme, learning loads and enjoying the essay writing. It is written as a session for young people and I look forward to giving it to them one day if they fancy it.

Tomorrow sees the last course of the term with a day on the New Testament and then I intend to write an essay on Galatians. The idea is that I write a synposis of Paul's letter for their PCC, sounds fun but we'll see how easy or otherwise it actually is.

In the parish I have been busy with sunday school, I am now leading the team who deliver sunday school to the 4-10 year olds and am completely overhauling it. We are going to follow Bob Hartman's The Lion Children's Bible and go through the stories week on week. Each session is based on a 3 stage outline; meet with God and each other, minister on God's word and examine the mission of how God's word comes to life in our lives. I presented it to the other leaders this week and they love the idea and suggested that we create some posters, some attendance certificates and also rename the sunday school with a competition for the kids. I can't tell you how fantastic it is to bring a new leaf of life and spirit for this age group.

Our 16-18 year old group are really gelling as well. we meet once a month on an evening and have been discussing love this term. we have looked at dvds, music, discussed what it means in our lives, in relationships and with God; and last time we let them loose on doing some improv drama. I cried, I laughed and I was completely overwhelmed with the understanding, empathy and talent of our young people.

the family I volunteer with have been through a really hard time this month with the children taken into care yesterday. I have only now realised how hard the supporting role I have has been on me, the shock of this ending is going to take some considerable time to sink in, but through it all I pray that God holds them all close. This is my real minitry to me, out there, in the community, helping where I can and bringing Jesus' love into the world. I am blessed for the opportunity to do this and now ask for the strength to continue despite the emotional challenges.

well I think that's enough for now, I'm off for my supervision. Emma

Timeline of the Church

I have been procrastinating for days on producing a timeline of the church. And now that I have spent 3 hour solid producing it I know why I was putting it off! But it's also been worth it, I have learned a lot about the order of events through the the last two centuries, read fascinating bits of history and realised that where we are now is very much linked to where the church has been.

I suspect that the timeline will not show very clearly here but is a bit larger if you click on it.  However please contact me if you'd like me to email it to you, I'm happy to share. 

a quick catch up

now the problem with trying to keep a blog up to date whilst training to be an LLM is that there's barely enough hours in the day to do the training, hence look what got abandoned!!

so how about a quick catch up?
I last posted in October 2009 when I had just completed the "Preaching" and "Being an LLM" portfolios. Since then I have completed the following courses and associated portfolios:
- worship
- theological reflection
- spirituality
- living the christian life, and ...
- doctrine

As you might be gathering, life has been extremely busy, but it has also been testing. There have been so many aspects of my life, faith and understanding of christianity and the church that have been challenged. At times I felt as if I was being taken to breaking point, but always I have found a way through and gained spiritual and emotional strength through the process.

The portfolio that was the most challenging was doctrine. The academic side was hard, at a higher level than the others, and required an immense amount of reading and absorbing. on top of that the issues are obviously tricky, they are talking about the foundations of faith and how these were developed and how they are now upheld. I selected "how do we know God exists" as my first essay and thoroughly enjoyed the challenge, in fact if there's any call for it I will post it. But the 2nd essay was on "what it means to be saved" and this was painful and time consuming. It brought up a lot of issues associated with miscarriages, loved ones who are not christians and more. the essay did not come off anywhere near as well as others but I was able to understand that this was due to the emotionality around the subject; perhaps that was the learning that mattered the most!

I now have supervision with my vicar every 6 weeks and that has changed my training entirely. I have a place to bring my fears, anxieties, excitements, challenges, hopes and worries.

Amongst all this I now have no idea where my ministry is taking me, but there is no fear about this. When I was selected it was as if I could see an island far off in the distance, but it was there and I knew what was on it. Now I know I'm closer to that island but a sea mist has come down and I no longer see the detail or even the form of my ministry. I am assured that this is just fine, and I hand over the unknown because what I do know is that God has me and my ministry safe.

So this term I am studying church history and the bible. and next term will complete the academic side of the training with mission and evangelism, and ethics. following that, from January 2011 I have two terms during which I can explore my ministry and what it means, encountering and exploring my formation.

thanks for walking alongside me, I will try to be more on-line. I will try!

I would like to promise that I will never abandon my blog again, but let's not make promises I can't keep! I will try though :)