Saturday, 17 October 2015

Perhaps I care too much

Perhaps I care too much
I can't just let it go
The fact that I upset you
Tears me apart with guilt
And if it's you that upset me
Then I'm sure it's still my fault

Perhaps I care too much
It goes around my mind
Every comment thrown away
Or look that I can't define
I know it's my wrongdoing
And it takes up all my time

Perhaps I care too much
I'm weighed down with memories
I can't just let it go
No matter how I try
My mind will not forget
I cry my eyes bone dry

Perhaps I care too much
Every single thing I say
I analyse all day
Every stupid thing I do
I worry and obsess about
Is this not normal, don't you?

Perhaps I care too much
But I've always been this way
Grieving at every famine
Curled up in pain at disasters
Wishing I could mend the world
And feeling like a failure

Perhaps I care too much
You can't make everyone like you
I'm told, and I know it's true
But I'm not built to ignore
And it matters so much to me
I take it to heart till I'm sore

Perhaps I care too much
And if I didn't I'd feel relieved
But I've learned that this is me
I can't thicken my skin and not care
Even though I'm sure I'd feel better
So in my pain I have to share

It drives me mad
On Facebook I hang
Wondering how to act
Don't want to upset
Yet others do it to me
That must be my fault
What is it they see
Am I am awful person
I really must be
Friends lost in time
Their fault or mine
I feel such guilt
Wish I could mend
But don't feel good enough
That's it in the end
I don't like me
So how can they
And when they turn away
It's another proof today
Of who I am
Like she always said
Not good enough
I should be dead

But no
Not now
That's not the way to think
It's written down but I won't act on it
Because I'm stronger right now
And I've written it down
I know I'm OK
I'm loved and liked
Those who turn their backs
They're missing out
That's the mantra
If I believe it or not
That's what to repeat
Repeat it a lot
And remind myself
Through family and friends
That I'm worth loving
Because I care so much

Not too much
How can anyone care too much

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