Sunday, 5 May 2013

Surviving in the dark

For seven months I've been
Surviving in the dark
Every day a struggle
No light, no joy, no spark

Not wanting to get up
Not caring about much at all
Wishing it could be over
But trying hard not to fall

Celebrating small wins
Like getting out of bed
Fighting for perspective
Inside my heavy head

Searching for solutions
Trying anything I could
Battling the frustration
Of being misunderstood

Through all those endless weeks
I've never felt alone
God's been right beside me
His love I've always known

I can only imagine
How hard it would have been
Without support of church
And all the love within

Millions of people
Know this darkness in their lives
Don't know where to turn to
As their trying to survive

It's time to make a difference
To talk about the pain
To break taboos around it
Eradicate the shame

Depression is an illness
Sufferers are not strange
You can help so many
By supporting Time to Change


I've been trying to write a poem about my depression for weeks, to express how it's felt and to raise awareness. It's no surprise that it's taken until now, when I'm finally feeling better, to see it come together.

It's been the most horrendous seven months, the absolute darkest of my life, which you will have probably seen in my poetry. 

And yet I've learned so much;
- about family and friendship and the importance of support
- about God, church and ministry and what I'm called to do
- about psychiatric services and their many pitfalls
- about poetry and its ability to heal
- about myself

Time to change is an amazing charity which works to challenge stigma about mental health.  It can happen to anyone, no one is immune.


Mary said...

Emma, I commend you for writing your truth, writing exactly what depression is like. Anyone who has been depressed for any time at all, I am sure, can identify with your poem. I am glad things are looking up for you now. I do wonder if, in addition to other issues, spring has made a difference for you. I know that I definitely feel MUCH better in spring and summer when the world brightens, greens, and the birds sing! Dark, cold, desolate winter does nothing for my mood.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing this Emma. Not something I know about personally, but I lived with someone years ago who had the sort of depression you wrote about. Prayers for you, and the ocntinuing support of your family and church.

Charleen said...

You are so brave to write an issue that affects so many. Depression is real, not something people can just shake off and once society accepts this, we will all be the better for it.

nan said...

You have articulated depression very well. Thank you for writing this!

Amber said...

Truly fantastic job, I am glad you have a faith that gives you strength and a community that you can rely on. My husband and I both have Depression so I know the struggle. I agree Depression should be talked over its nothing to be ashamed of.

I am

PhotoDiction said...

I know that depression is hard to overcome. Writing your thoughts is a good step to help you step back and look at it. Best of luck in your daily struggles. Keep looking for sunshine.

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

You described your depression so well--it can devastate our lives and often does--I am glad that you have support--

Bonnie J. Toomey said...

Nice rhyme scheme abcb in the first verse, it flows well. A poem of hope. I wish you well.

Sonya Cisco said...

Fabulous piece of poetry. Raising awareness of mental health issues, and helping to reduce the stigma are such important measures. I hope you continue to find positive things in life to help bring back your smiles!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I love the honesty - and the gratitude - in your poem. I saw something yesterday that said something about how gratitude and depression cant co-exist - in acknowledging the love of God and the support of your friends and church, you may have turned a corner into spring. Bless you, kiddo, and may your heart find what it needs, to heal and grow. You will come out the other side having learned so much about yourself. I know many of us will resonate with what you have written. I certainly do.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

What a journey of courage you've been on! I'm glad of all the suport you have found, and also your own ability to make the most if it.

Poet Laundry said...

Well said and with a wonderfully strong voice. I identified with much of what you've written here as a fellow depression sufferer.

Akila G said...

I am glad that you spoke out and courage to do so does wonders rather than letting thoughts die quietly, doing nothing but more harm. Glad that you rose and wish that you would shine always from now on.

Jinksy said...

I'm all for breaking taboos on talking..

kaykuala said...

It's hard to know and harder still to frankly write about it! It shows road to recovery is achieved. Great. Emma!


hyperCRYPTICal said...

In this disinterested world where mental ill-health is stigmatised - it takes a brave soul to write of her dark times - but to do so brings knowledge and hopefully eventual understanding.

Thank you Emma.

Anna :o]

Jim said...

Thank you, Emma, for sharing with us this revealing poem. You kept this to yourself from your readers so well (at least from me) until you felt like this sharing.

May God continue to bless you. Isn't it wonderful to know of God's love for us no matter what and regardless of our feelings that no one else does love us. God still loves you.

Thank you also for your revelation time in using this prompt. BTW, I am missing you on Monday Toads this week.

We, your bloging friends all love you, too, Emma. You are in my prayers.

lisa x said...

Thank you xx <3