This post comes thanks to Maggi Dawn and her blog post http://maggidawn.com/permission-to-fail/
I am one of those people who hates to fail. I have strived to please others throughout my life and am ashamed to say I need quite a lot of affirmation. I know that this says quite a lot more about my upbringing than it does necessarily about me, but still, I like to blame myself. My lovely Rachel was getting the same way when she was three and I have put a lot of effort into praising the action and the effort rather than the outcome, so far it seems to be working, we will see.
But back to the subject I was trying to focus on...
I feel like a failure and beat myself up if I think/do/say something wrong (IMO) even though I would never hold anyone else to such high standards. Just yesterday my cantoring and hymn singing sounded awful to me through the mic; and so I felt the need to apologise afterwards for my voice which is still suffering from the pneumonia cough. why? no one else had noticed. and if they had it didn't matter to them. why was I so afraid to not meet my own high singing requirements?
And today I am preparing everything I need for the charity pre-school committee meeting this evening. As chair of the charity a lot of actions come my way. I have cleared all but one; that's over 20 completed, but all I can focus on is the one I have not managed to complete. why am I beating myself up? this is a voluntary role. I give my time and energy and effort, that is all that is required. I refuse to let other members of the committee become overloaded or self criticise for any issues they might see as failure. but me, well I won't let myself fail, why?
so today I am making a commitment to not focus on the perceived "fails"; instead I will celebrate the good things I manage to achieve. Thanks Maggi for encouraging these thoughts and a possible, hopeful change.